Tidal Fools (Bonney x Buggy)
by ApplemonPie
Summary: Bonney has been fully confident in leading her pirate crew for a long time. Until one day, she ends up falling for the goofiest Warlord of them all... (Characters and settings belong to Oda and cover is drawn by me. Andrew, Alexander, Adrian and Andy belong to me. )
1. Buggy's Birthday Bash

Jewelry Bonney sank her teeth into a pineapple pizza. She was hanging out at Alvida's new bar: "The Iron Glory". She's a rather slim looking pink haired girl who wears striped overalls, a mint green winter hat, and a white shirt. She has bright purple eyes with a golden piercing near one of them.

She tends to gorge herself on pizza and other junk foods when she's not going on an adventure.

"GET ME MORE, PIZZAS! MORE MANGO JUICE! MORE PIE AND SWEETS! MORE FOOD, MORE!" She demanded as she slammed a wad of cash on the table. Galdino blended some more juice and poured it in her giant jug. He then ordered a bunch of chefs to cook all the before mentioned junk food.

"Come on, boys! Get moving the bitch is starving!" Galdino shouted.

More people ran into the bar and ordered more stuff. The money was flying in like crazy. All of a sudden, Captain Alvida came in. She gave everyone strange looking, over decorated party invitations. "Heeey! Bonney! Long time no see! Wanna come ta Buggy's Birthday party?" Alvida said in that southern accent of her' the Star Clown is the captain of the Buggy Pirates, as well as the co-leader of the Buggy and Alvida Alliance, and a former apprentice of the Roger Pirates.

"That fool?! Ha! I wouldn't touch the lad with a 10 foot pole! But fine, I'll come. If he's got a giant birthday cake there, then I'll just come over there for that! Nothin' beats sweets!" Bonney said in-between bites of chocolate cake.

Buggy's pre timeskip look was a slim, blue-haired man with an appearance resembling that of a clown: a red nose, big brown shoes, a red and white stripped shirt, and baggy tan pants. The big, red nose on his face is, in fact, his real nose. Buggy's face is always covered with make up no matter what timeline, and he always looks really pissed off, especially when he sees Shanks. Back then, women never really found him to be fap material, which is why he never married his co-worker Alvida. He instead likes to spend his time as a Warlord: baking goods, selling weapons or armies, and training goofy men to fight for others.

"They've got more than just that. His crew's making pizza, beef, lollipops, cupcakes... any hot greasy food you could imagine, it's there." Alvida explained as plates of food were placed near Bonney.

"HOT GREASY FOOD?! OH BOY I'LL DEFINITELY GO THERE!" Bonney said with hearts in her eyes.

"Knew it. See ya there, homegirl." Alvida smirked as she handed an invitation to Shanks.

"Thanks babe. An invitation to my old partner's birthday party? Heh. Must be my lucky day." He smirked. Galdino poured some beer into his cup. He took a swing of it and laughed, remembering all the times he teased and made fun of Buggy. Red-headed Shanks was formally was in the Roger Pirates crew partnered with Buggy the clown, but they ended up splitting up.

"Long time no see, indeed."

He said to himself as he looked at the picture of Buggy screaming.

"Where's the little Bugger anyways?" Shanks asked Alvida.

"He's busy with calls from around the world. Buggy's Delivery Service is extra busy durrin' July." Alvida said. She poured him more beer.

"That's enough, babe. I don't wanna get too drunk before the actual party where there's a ton of booze." Shanks said as he pulled the small glass cup away.

Buggy's Delivery Service is an organization based on the New World island of Karai Bari. It was founded sometime during the timeskip, and specializes in sending pirates and other powerful warriors to assist a country or group in battle if they call and pay for it. During the summer, the blue haired clown made millions off this service since the hot weather was always the perfect setting for pirate battles. Alvida always helped in this service, but Shanks never really cared for it, often going solo for his adventures. Ever since Bonney's crew numbers were lowered (after the Marines captured her temporarily), she always seeked extra help from Buggy's Delivery Service just to get more treasure and money for food, of course. She's less chill compared to Shanks and Alvida, often having an angry look on her face.

Shanks walked over to Bonney as he drank his beer.

"Hey Jewelery Bonney. Seen Buggy lately?" Shanks asked her, smirking seductively. He was quite a handsome man with a small beard.

"Yes but only... Mmmm... Briefly. How old is he...Mmmph.. Turning, anyway?" Bonney mumbled between bites of a newly made pizza.

" He's turning 40. Do you like him, by the way? If not, then um... I'm single. We could go out and, you know, go to the beach..." Shanks started.

"Back off, buster. I like none of you men. I'm happy single. Food is my only lover." Bonney greedily said. She shoved pizza crust down her throat.

Shanks sighed in disappointment. He then saw Alvida's breasts jiggle as she walked over to a customer.

"Hmmm... Hey Alvida. How about you? Mind going out with a yonko like me? I'm the only one who's normal, after all." Shanks flirted as he opened his white shirt.

"No. Maybeh. We'll see." Alvida smiled mysteriously. She ripped her golden lined cowboy hat at him.

'Maybe is a start.' Shanks thought hopefully.

"Watch out, Al. He's drunk again." Bonney mumbled between bites of a cupcake.

"I'm not drunk, silly. I told you, I'll get my fill during the Birthday Bash." Shanks chuckled.

"Sure. But once you get drunk there, don't grope any lasses and $$es." Alvida said seriously.

She tossed some gum in her mouth and chewed on it..

"A pirate makes no promises, Alvida." Shanks grinned.

"Whatever. I'm just looking forward to seeing familiar faces at the Party." Alvida smacked her pink bubble gum.

"I'm looking forward to all those delicious treats! And if Shanks tries to touch me, I'll use my Devil Fruit abilities to turn 9 so he won't grope me!" Bonney said, her purple eyes sparkling.

"Oh well. The more you know." Shanks rolled his eyes.

That night, colorful confetti rained from above as funky music was played by a band. There were desserts, junk food, and multi colored balloons everywhere. Bonnie went into the large circus like tent with her crew. She grabbed some cupcakes and started to sink her teeth into them right away!

"Woah woah Bonney! Chill with the cupcakes! We just got into this here tent!" One of her make crewmates said.

"As your captain I get to eat what I please! Besides, I bet the cake is gonna be huge! And I'm talkin' skyscraper huge!" Bonney yelled at him.

"Fine fine... Eat what you must, Captain." The crewmate rolled his eyes.

Shanks drank a bottle of beer and enjoyed it with Alvida.

"I'm surprised the Straw hats aren't crashing the party or anything. Usually when there's a Buggy related event, the Straw Hats get involved." Shanks said.

"I'm just glad I ain't bumpin' heads with those losers." Alvida said before taking a swing of beer.

All of a sudden, the room went dark. The big red curtains on the stage began to quake as spotlights hovered over them. The crowd waited with faded breathe. Bonnie didn't give a crap.

"Ladies and gentlemen! Introducing the man behind B.D itself, and the one and only birthday boy... Buggy the star clooooooown!" A disembodied voice shouted into a megaphone. The lights then stopped and focused on the top part of the curtains.

The men in the crowd clapped and cheered and women screamed his name with hearts in their eyes. Bonnie just kept on eating as she looked at the stage. The red curtain opened, revealing a pink, red, blue and white 7 layered giant cake with chocolate coated graham cracker stairs on it. Buggy was on top of the cake, and each part of it with acrobat women dressed like clown hookers. Buggy had a microphone in his hand. His long, spikey blue hair flowed down his back and he had a big red nose. His face was painted: a skull and crossbones going down his forehead to below his eyes, two purple lines pointing up, and red lipstick.

He wore a white sparkling suit with no shirt underneath, white Elvis pants, yellow sunglasses shaped like stars, and a top hat so tall even Gild Tesoro would blush at. He wore sparkling silver tap dancing shoes as he danced down the graham cracker stairs. He sung "Can't take my Eyes off You" causing the crowd to cheer, laugh, and go crazy.

Bonney instantly dropped her food. Her heart began to race and the only thing she could see was Buggy and the huge cake. All she could hear was her heartbeat intensely. It slowly got faster and faster as she twitched. She grunted and groaned as her eyes twitched, almost in orgasm.

"Um... Captain... Are you okay?" One of her crew members, Jewelry Alex asked her.

"... I need you baby

And if its quite alright

I need you baby

To warm the lonely nights

I love you baby

Trust in me when I say its okaaaay..." Bonnie sung, sounding almost brainwashed.

"Why does she sound so monotone?!" Alex asked his other crew mates.

"I dunno! I dunno! Look at the other women! They're dancing! They're not even acting like Bonney!" Another crew member shouted as he pointed at a bunch of ladies.

"Well we can't have captain acting like this! She might catch Love Sickness like Boa Hancock once did! Let's get 'er out of here!" Alex said as he pulled her arm.

Bonney hissed and turned him 6 years old. Alex's small clothes actually fit him. He always wore clothes too tiny for him in case his captain got pissed. She threw his small body onto the ground and ran up to the cake.

"Wait! Bonney! Come back!" Alex and the Bonney Pirates ran after their pink haired captain.

Buggy finally made it to the bottom of the cake, only to see Bonney devouring it.

He grabbed her by the shirt, only for her to give him goo goo eyes.

"YIKES!" He let her go. Bonney fell, then ate more of the cake.

People starred at this, causing Buggy's singing voice to get more shakey.

With the flick of a hand, Buggy signaled some of his crew mates to get her.

They charged at her with swords in their hands. With a mouthful of cake, Bonney quickly turned them 86 and kicked the swords out of their hands. She ordered her crew to retreat, not wanting Buggy to see them as a threat. She took a bunch of snacks and as they ran out, taking one last good look at Buggy's abs.

The Bonney Pirates ran onto their ship, The Jewelry Margherita.

"What the hell was that, boss?! You completely lost it in there! Also, turn me back to 38! I hate these baby hands!" Alex whined.

"I don't know... His... His voice... His chest... Such a snack..." Bonney whispered, gripping her left breast.

"You're clearly in love." A bearded crew member rolled his eyes. He got out a cake pan.

"I'M NOT! NOW SHUT UP, BEFORE I TURN YOU INTO A SPERM!" Bonney roared.

"You just don't wanna admit you have the hots for a clown. Besides, I'm your brother. You can't turn me into a sperm." Alex chuckled.

"I see my powers took away your maturity, too. Hold on." She made him glow pink and instantly turn 38 again.

"... Nope. I still find it hilarious you have a crush on a clown. HAHAHAHAHAH!" Alex fell and laughed.

"I CAN TURN YOU BACK INTO A SPERM, BRO! SO KNOCK IT OFF!" Bonnie growled before eating a cupcake.

"Just saying, it's kinda stupid you went from a bad æ$$ captain, to a captain who loves one of the silliest Warlords of the seas." Jewelry Andrews, the bearded member, added.

"Ugh you are so lucky you're a chef AND my cousin..." She growled.

"Do me a favor and make Buggy a special cake. A small one that could fit in a box."

"What does it look or taste like?"

"Hmmm..."

**_End of Chapter 1_**


	2. Dangerous Love

The next day, Bonnie visited Buggy to give him a cake with the word "Sorry." written on it in red icing.

She walked towards the tent when all of a sudden, a lion got in the way. "Don't you dare come in! We know what you did to our Captain Buggy's cake!" Great lion Richie growled

"I made him some sorry cake. Sorry I took a bite of the giant birthday cake when it wasn't even sliced. When it comes to sweet stuff… I'm out of control." She opened a box and showed him a vanilla cake. The lion glared at her, then the cake. She looked so sincere, so he let her in. As Bonney went in, she saw the Superhuman Domingos chattering. She got on her tiptoes and looked past them, peeping into a large room. She saw Buggy sitting on a tall chair making buster calls. Big pink hearts appeared in the girl's eyes. She pushed the Superhuman Domingos out of the way and ran right towards him.

"Hey, um... Buggy—"

""I'm out of gun powder. Call back another time." Buggy grunted before hanging up a snail phone. He immediately picked up another one after that.

"But... I wanted to say... I'm sor–"

"Ooooh! You could have all the bombs you'd like! Free of charge!" Buggy interrupted once more.  
Bonnie leaned over and kissed his forehead, causing the clown to finally look up at her.  
"The hell was that?! I'm busy here!" He yelled at her, making a funny face.

"I just made you a vanilla cake... To say that... I'm sorry." Bonney showed him the box.

"Sorry for #£€$ing what?" Buggy glared, wiping the red lipstick off of his forehead  
"Eating your giant cake and ruining your song." Bonney gave him puppy dog eyes.

"It's fine. Thank you. Yonko Big Mom would've done worse damage. Now please, kindly piss off." Buggy said before immediately eating the cake.

_'He... He ate it! Right away! With his hands! A true soulmate!'_ Bonney thought, nearly fainting.  
"Why are your knees shaking? Leave. The building. PLEASE." Buggy warned with a gun to her head. She slowly turned her back to him and walked towards the door. She then stopped, only one foot in front of it.  
"... I'm coming back." Bonney's eyes darkened.

"What was that?" Buggy asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm coming back. The way you ate the cake... It made my heart melt... I want to see you eat it again... And again... And again... I'll make you eat cake until you pop..." Bonney whispered, her purple eyes sparkling.

"Um... No thanks. This cake was good but it isn't _that_ good." The blue haired clown said nervously.

"Then how about a kiss? Come on, pucker up those big, red, lips..." Bonney turned around and walked back towards him. Buggy cocked the gun's silver trigger.

"I can pull this trigger at any point, ya know." Buggy threatened.

_'Always loved a tough guy...' _A grin stretched across her face, confusing the three Superhuman Domingos.

"And I could turn you 5 years old... Or 80... Whatever age weakens you." Bonney said. She grabbed some of his cake and ate it.

"Imagine the headline: "Star Clown Buggy kills Worst Generation member Jewelery Bonney." They'll all love me for it! Gyahahahaha!" Buggy laughed so hard he dropped the gun, causing it to shoot the ceiling. The Spanish boys jumped back as Bonney turned Buggy 17.

"Hmm... Not as hot." Bonney said.

"WHAT THE £€π¢?!" Buggy looked down at his smaller penis. His crew members screamed too.

"How about a better headline: "Worst Generation member kidnaps Fourth Warlord". Then again, I don't want any more trouble with your crew. I'd rather join it. After all, my crew only consists of four men. Meanwhile you've got a whole circus act and some cowboys by your side." Bonney ran a finger down his chest, turning him 40 again.

"I am not letting you join! Bad enough I have a hard time making weapon deliveries!" Buggy pushed her away.

Bonney ran after him and puckered her lips. Buggy gasped, then ran for it, commanding the Superhuman Domingos to attack the lady. The boys nodded and lunge at her, big beefy hands ready. Bonnie turned all of them into babies, causing them to just grab her like she was their mama, and cry.

"GRRRR! YOUR DEVIL FRUIT IS WAY TOO OP!" Buggy yelled. He used his own devil fruit ability to split himself into pieces and attack her from behind.

Bonney flipped over and grabbed the bottom half of his body. She unzipped his brown pants and sucked him off.

Buggy's head fell and screamed, comedically rolling into a pile of barrels. His other body parts fell onto the floor, his hands twitching from the sudden feeling of hormones.

"Mmmm... How's that, clown boy?" Bonney flirted.

"THERE'S INFANTS HERE! DO YOU HAVE ANY CLASS?!" Buggy angrily yelled at her.

"Oh... Excuse my manners." Bonney turned the Superhuman Domingos 86, causing them to weakly hold onto her, only to get tossed onto the ground.

"... Don't suck me off... Ever again..." Buggy panted.

"How about this, tough guy?" Bonney rubbed his butt cheeks in a circular motion.

"AGH! YOU ARE A DEMON!"

"You mean a succubus~"

"£#&¥ YOU!" His face turned as red as his nose. He hated but some what enjoyed the treatment his lower half was getting.

His disembodied hand picked up the gun, and shot Bonney's eye out!

Bonney fell in slow motion to the song "Hide and Seek" by Imogen Heap, blood spewing from her eye socket.

Buggy dropped the gun once the song ended and slowly panted just like in the anime. (They love their filler breathing shots.) He then went back together and put his hands on his hips looking down at her.

The Superhumans looked at her as well, wondering if she was even dead.

The song played once more once Bonnie shot Buggy in the stomach. Buggy looked down at his stomach, his hands bloody from touching the bullet wound. He fell in slow motion also and laid next to Bonney. Bonney closed her eye once more.

"... Well, I guess Alvida's running the place this ti–" The begining of the song repeated three times once Buggy got up and shot the brothers. They all fell in slow motion.

Buggy them fainted with a smile on his red nosed face.

Hours later, a newspaper was printed titled: "Buggy's bloodbath: 4 shot, including a Worst Generation member. Even the stupid Clown himself!" It zoomed out to a rubber hand holding the newspaper.

Monkey D. Luffy read the title, and laughed so hard he split his pants.

"It's not THAT funny, Monkey." Nami rolled her brown eyes.

"But that smile! And the title! HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Luffy laughed so hard snot came out of his nose.

"Shut your rubber mouth! I mean bad enough we're trying to hide from Kaido!" Nami said before bonking Luffy on the head.

"I still can't believe Buggy turned fourty, only to attempt suicide. I feel so old!" Brook said as he stirred tea.

"The bigger question is, how the hell did he shoot Bonney and three of his crew members, and why?" Sanji said before lighting a cigarette.

"Maybe they got into a fight over who would be the better Warlord." Luffy laughed as he rubbed the cartoon bump on his head.

"Or maybe he wasn't the only one shooting. Maybe Bonney got a kick at it too. I mean, look at these photos, I don't remember his henchmen looking this old." Sanji explained. Zoro just stood there with a dagger in his mouth.

"Well we've got two Yonkos to deal with. No time to worry about how a Warlord's doing. Come on, let's go, Strawhats!" Luffy dropped the newspaper and ran out, the others following.

* * *

Three days later... The scene faded to Bonney with a white square eye patch and a pink heart stitched to it. She laid in a bed as the crew's doctors tried to take care of her. "Don't worry. We stitched the back of her head a bunch and did a lot of surgery. She'll live. She's not in critical condition." A muffled make voice said.

"How?! She got shot in the head, Andrew! She can't possibly be able to survive!" Another muffled voice said, everything looking blurry to Bonney.

"Don't worry. Even though we're not professionals, we got this." They put a mask over her face, and the sleeping gas knocked her out.

Bonney slowly closed her purple eye and drifted off into a trippy music video.

BONNEY: *sings* _Hey what you, what you sayin'?_

_Dude, why you, why you shootin'?_

_Uh, you know, I plan on staying_

_Dunno why you're complaining!_

_Aye, you're the only one I see now,_

_Aye, now you hate me somehow!_

_I've been focused on this check, getting all that I can get!_

_I swear I wanna win this bet!_

_Don't you go to far from me_

_Every card you draw got me feelin' complete!_

*Falls through pink water and swims towards Buggy as playing cards float past them*

Bonney: *sings as voice echoes* _Never felt this kind of love_

_I'm addicted to your touch!_

_Just a little's not enough_

_Cause you're my, you're my, you're my favorite!_

*Holds his hands*

_Uh, favorite place to be, I'm for you, you're just for me!_

_And I say just what I mean_

_Cause you're my, you're my, you're my favorite!_

*Almost kissed him but he melted down a drain and water clears out. She opened the drain and went after him. They were now in Totto land*

_Boy, you know your body is amazing_

_Even though you shot me, I'm not complaining!_

_Boy, you got the thing that I've been chasing, waiting for_

_Aye, I'll give you more, give you more of that good good!_

_(Ooo~)_

_Every night, every night I'll feed you..._

_Aye, say tryna hit and lick, face covered in goo ooo, ooo!_

*Ties buggy in licorice*

_Don't you go to far from me_

_Every card you draw got me feelin' complete!_

_*_sings as voice echoes* _Never felt this kind of love_

_I'm addicted to your touch!_

_Just a little's not enough_

_Cause you're my, you're my, you're my favorite!_

*Cuddles him*

_Uh, favorite place to be, I'm for you, you're just for me!_

_And I say just what I mean_

_Cause you're my, you're my, you're my favori—_

"BONNEY!" A voice yelled, waking Bonney up. She looked at a blurry figure. Her eyes cleared once she saw Andrew, Alexander, Adrian and Andy. Her entire crew was in the surgery room as they looked down at her.

"We're so glad that the fourth surgery was a success! The bullet wound in the back of your head is gone! But unfortunately, we couldn't fix your left eye. We're so sorry, cousin." Andrew, sighed.

"Thank you... Thank you so much for taking good care of me body... But where's Buggy? I wanna talk to him." Bonney croaked.

"He's in an actual hospital. He told the World Government that he never wants to see you again... I'm so sorry... I wish he wasn't so cold towards you." Andy said with tears streaming down his face.

"He...he never wants to see me again?!" Bonney teared up also.

"Yes. I'm terribly sorry." Andy held her hands.

" ... No. I am."

"Why, sis?"

"Cause I'm a pirate who doesn't take no for an answer!" Bonney confidently yelled as she stood on her bed. The boys told her to sit down, but she refused. Her pride and insanity took over.

"Captain, you must calm down!" Adrian said as he held onto her.

"I'm not letting him leave my life!" Bonney yelled before turning the boys 6. She weakly ran towards the exit. Despite their young age, the boys caught up to her. They tried their best to drag Bonney back to the bed.

Bonney bit their hands, causing them to scream and cry. They dropped her. The white girl clumsily ran out of the white room and onto the deck of the ship. They were in the middle of the first half of the Grand Line. "What?! We're all the way back here?! Guys why'd you go back to the calm part of the Grand Line?!" Bonney yelled.

"We had to get you to the calm part so you're body could heal quicker." Alexander said, his black hair jumping up and down.

"... understandable. But still. I want to get to Buggy, pronto." Bonney calmed down.

"Captain. You. Are. BONKERS! You love a man after he flat out shoot your and ended up embarrassing himself in a newspaper article?!" Alexander's green eyes bulged out.

"I said, get me to him. Pronto. I want to see if he's alright. I know I'm crazy for loving him. Too crazy. And cook me some chicken!"

"But I'm 10 years old..."

"THEN I'LL TURN YOU BACK TO 30, JUST COOK ME SOME DEAD HEN! AND ALSO TONS OF JUICE AND VANILLA CAKE! OH AND THROW IN SOME PUDDING!"

"ON IT, MISS!"

Bonney turned him back to normal and he ran into the ship's kitchen.

"The rest of you, get me back to Buggy's Delivery Service. I

_'His dick felt so good on my lips, I swear...'_ Bonney thought, having flashbacks. Her hand twitched just like Buggy's did, and she nearly creamed her pants once she imagined him saying "I love you.". She then ran into the bathroom to masturbate.

Yup.

She was loosing it.

After that, Bonney turned herself into an old woman AKA Queen Connie. It was a disguise she used before, infiltrating the Levely by posing as the queen dowager of the Sorbet Kingdom. She told her crew to stay out of sight, and limped off the ship. She went towards the B.D circus tent and put on a fake smile. She waited in line as a bunch of men and women got their new weapons and goodies.

She heard a bunch of ringing snail phones as she went inside the red and white striped tent. A bunch of acrobats and circus performers swung around the roof and tightropes. Bonney drooled once she saw a bunch of mercenaries eating meat and wine, but forced herself to focus on her goal.

"Hello. Are you free, Star Clown Buggy? This is queen Connie of the Sorbet Kingdom." Connie said, even disguising her voice.

"Hello, miss. Yes, I am. And um... what do you need? Cannonballs, guns, gunpowder, slingshots, rifles, axes..." Buggy began. He was all patched up from their last encounter, wearing a red vest and a striped captain's hat with his jolly roger.

"I would like some ice picks, please. Three of them." Connie smiled. Buggy twitched a bit with an anime lightning bolt in the background. He noticed Connie's lips, hat, and hair looked a bit TOO similar.

"Um... excuse me, miss. You wouldn't happen to be related to Captain Bonney, would you?" Buggy went closer towards her.

"Not at all. Now give me your best ice picks. How much do they cost?" Connie said, sweating slightly.

"Thirty berry. You got it?"

"Okay. Let me check my purse." Connie looked inside a brown purse. She pulled out thirty berries and took a peek at his crotch. She then gave him the money, but wouldn't let go of his hand.

"Thank you. Um... Miss... let go of my hand... please... Let go... let go, now!" Buggy's calm voice rose into a shout.

Connie grinned and blushed as she squeezed his hand and the money tightly.

"Miss... please! LET GO! I'm not your grandson!" Buggy growled, feeling crept out.

"I'm so sorry mister... I was just thinking of my king." Connie finally let go of him.

'His hand... without the glove... it felt so soft... like an angel's... Oh my gosh!' Connie thought. She put her hands on her cheeks gushing over him, accidentally turning back to 30.

"WHAAAAAA?!" Buggy's tongue wiggled and his eyes bulged out of his head, his hands and feet split.

"...oops." Bonney whispered.

"You again! I thought I got rid of you! One phone call and the World Government will have your head!" Buggy yelled, his teeth looking sharp.

"Not if I stop you from calling." She grabbed the snail phone and hid it under the desk. She then turned Buggy 12 and finally kidnapped him. "AHHHH! GALDINO! ACROBATS! ANYONE! HEEEELP!" He screeched, trying to get out of her arms.

"On it, Captain Buggy-Sama!" Galdino ran up to Bonney with the acrobats by his side. He made two wax slides with his Devil Fruit abilities, and the acrobats slid across them, catching up to Buggy and Bonney.

The two punched Bonney in the face, causing her to drop the clown kid.

Galdino slipped between the two and caught him. Bonney fell down, covering her left eye.

"Cabaji! Make sure she doesn't get away! She has a heavy bounty!" Buggy commanded.

A dark green haired man slipped out of the darkness and nodded. He lunged at Bonney and kicked her stomach in. Bonney coughed up blood. She punched him back and turned him 12 as well. Cabaji sliced at her with a sword and kicked her into a pillar, causing the men in the background to cheer.

"Nrgh... You're pretty tough for being turned into a kid." Bonney panted.

"As an acrobat swordsman, I've been trained to fight in any situation. Now surrender to the Buggy and Alvida Alliance." Cabaji said, preparing to elegantly kick her once more.

Bonney dodged him, and kicked his groin. The boy screamed like a goat and fell, holding his balls. She then picked up his sword and stabbed him in his left eye.

The men gasped then cheered Bonney's name. Bonney ignored them, looking around for Buggy. She saw Galdino talking to him as the two acrobats answered phone calls.

Bonney ate some of the chicken then ran across the tables, the men cheering her on with pink hearts in their eyes.

"BUGGY SAN! WATCH OUT!" Cabaji screamed in alarm. He got up, running after her.

But it was too late, Bonney turned Galdino and the acrobats into infants and grabbed Buggy. She held on tight to him and grabbed some more meat from the tables.

"Let me go! I swear if you don't I will call more of my mercenaries!" Buggy whined.

"You're so cute when you're a mad little kid!" Bonney giggled. She then pushed Richie out of the way, causing the lion to growl. He bit her leg causing her to scream and fall. Buggy hit his head on the ground from the harsh impacted.

"Buggy! You okay?!" Bonney turned him around.

He looked at her with tears in his eyes, his nose bleeding.

"You poor thing... SAY SORRY YOU STUPID LION!" Bonney kicked Richie so hard her fell back into the tent.

"Um... You're... being a nice pirate? That's new for you." Buggy tilted his head.

"Pirates ain't nice. I'm only doing this for you, Buggy. No one else. I love you." Bonney whispered smiling at him.

Buggy's black eyes sparkled. He had no clue what to say or how to react. He just kept staring.

"I'm glad you love me, too. I GOT HIM BOYS! COME ON!" Bonney ran towards the Jewelry Margarita as she held a shocked Buggy. Her crew cheered for her. Alvida witnessed this, sending out the remaining mercenaries. Andy and Adrian blasted cannon balls at the mercenaries, causing a gigantic blood bath! Bonney quickly steered the ship and sailed off into the West Blue, leaving all the destruction in the New World behind.

**_End of Chapter 2_**


	3. Sexy Clown

Chapter 3: Sexy Clown

"Buggy... You okay?" Bonney said before putting ice on his head.

"Yes... I am. Now turn me back to my original age, why don't ya?" Buggy grunted.

"Good thing you said that. Cause right now, I'm turned on."

"Oh... No..." Buggy, Andrew, Alex, Adrian and Andy said. They all made different goofy faces.

Bonney turned him back to normal and kissed him a bunch.

Buggy wiped the kiss marks off of his face, causing his makeup to get wiped off with it.

"Oh my gosh..." She put a hand on his cheek with an astonished look on her face.

"What? My makeup is off. So?" Buggy shrugged.

"You look... So ... Handsome! BUGGY-SENPAI!" A giant heart appeared in her eye as she goofily smiled. She pulled both his hands and dragged him to a trap door.

Buggy split his body into multiple pieces, refusing to go with her. Each of her four crew members caught a body part, feeling rather crept out. The only thing Bonney held was his hands.

"BUGGY SENPAI! I NEED ALL OF YOUR PARTS TO BANG ME!"

"No! You're not touching all of me! I swear to Neptune!" Buggy made the Enel shocked face.

Andrew laughed, which sounded like "Hew hew hew hew!"

He tossed the clown's legs over to the open trap door.

"Hey you boys! Stop helping her! I'll pay you a pretty penny if you stop!"

The other boys laughed along with Andrew, tossing the other body parts toward the door.

"CURSE YOU BONNEY PIRATES! AND YOUR LITTLE BITCH, TOO!" Buggy yelled as his head fell into the trap door. It slowly closed as Bonney evilly laughed. The boys high-fived each other.

Buggy backed into a pile of root beer barrels. His eyes turned white with black rings in fear as Bonney slowly walked towards him, taking off her clothes. He constantly split himself into multiple pieces, but it was no use, she just kept walking towards him anyway.

"Buggy... I got you some fooooood..." Bonney slowly took a cake out of her purse.

She grabbed his disembodied head and shoved handful after handful of pink vanilla cake into his mouth.

"Hrrrrmmmm!" Buggy grunted, breathing through his red nose.

"Your struggles are so cute. Look at those legs and arms squirming around..."

"HMMMM £#&+!"

"Uh uh uhhh don't talk with your mouth full... My little clown..." She put his head back on his body.

Buggy swallowed hard and made his floating hands choke her.

The "Favorite" song played in her head as she felt his hands grip her neck.

"You are gonna get me off this crumby ship now, and get me back to my money making island. Ka-peesh?! ... Wait... Are you getting turned on by being choked?! What are you a sadist?! Hello?! Hello?! Earth to BONNEY!" Buggy let go of her.

Bonney fell and panted. She gripped her breast once more and panted.

'He... He choked me... He just... Wants me to feel worse doesn't he..? He really wants me to hate him... But so far his sweet embrace is doing the opposite ...' Bonney thought. She imagined him choking her again and orgasmed.

"The hell is up with you?!" Buggy growled. Bonney tackled Buggy and ripped off his clothes. Buggy screamed and prodded at her, much to her sadistic delight.

She took off her bra and kissed his lips. Buggy still felt angry, but couldn't help but kiss back.

The two hugged each other and made out, their tongues dancing against each other. She then gave him a nasty French kiss and covered his lips in drool.

After 2 minutes, Buggy pushed Bonney off, panting. He pinched his shoulder to make sure he wasn't dreaming.

"OW! Nope... It's real alright... I wish it wasn't."

"What's real?" The pink haired pirate asked.

"Nothing..." Buggy rolled his eyes. Bonney giggled stroking his blue hair.

"I usually just ignore people. I've never been attracted to you and often thought of you as the goofy clown man who delivers stuff. But now that you're older..."

Bonney ripped off his underwear, rubbing her vagina on his penis.

"...I wanna know how much you cum." She smirked seductively.

"Oh Luffy, shoot me now..." Buggy muttered.

"Relax, would you? Besides... You enjoyed the kiss." Bonney giggled.

"I... I did! OH JEEZ I DID!" The clown's face turned green in disgust. He held a hand to his lips trying not to vomit.

Bonney pinned his hands to the barrels. She slowly humped his penis and hummed softly.

Buggy closed his eyes and moaned a bit. She licked his lips as she had sex with him.

She pressed her breasts against his chest as she rode his body, sweat dripping from them.

Buggy fingered her anus, causing her to gasp and scream his name. She kissed his lips once more and let him cum inside her, thick and creamy. His legs twitched intensely.

Bonney giggled stroking Buggy's big legs.

Buggy's cheeks turned pink this time.

"You're blushing! You totally love me!" Bonney slapped his legs.

"Please shut your mouth! Anyone could blush from sex!" Buggy yelled embarrassed.

"Shut my mouth? Then why don't you say to me: "Oh, darling, I want your hair and your neck. I could just squeeze it!" I could shut up and you can do the flirting." Bonney swayed her hips.

Buggy's face turned a darker pink as his red nose glowed.

"No no no! That's not what I meant! And stop inserting your strangle fetish into this!" He pushed her off his naked body. Bonney went over to the box of cake and ate some.

'That sex... Felt... So nice... But the broad's insane, why the heck am I into her sex?!

I want more but... No, I'm... I'm trying to quit.'

"Buggy?"

Buggy opened his eyes once he heard her say his name. He looked down and to his horror she was about to put a slice of cake on his penis!

"You wouldn't dare..." Buggy growled.

Without a word, Bonney dropped the cake and licked the icing off his penis.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Buggy's head popped off and flew through the ceiling, shocking the other crew members. It then fell back down right onto the neck.

She made a feast off of his penis, swirling his tongue around it and trying her best to eat it up. Buggy slammed a disembodied hand on a rootbeer barrel, trying not to cum. He bit his bottom lip trying not to look turned on, but failed. A wide grin stretched across his face as he moaned softly.

"Now that's more like it, sexy clown~" Bonnie flirted, flicking his big nose.

"This is your idea of heaven, right?"

"No!"

"You're lying."

Bonney squeezed his balls and smashed some more cake on them. This time it was chocolate. She then sucked the chocolate off his balls, causing him to make a worse face than before, as if he was holding all the fluid in his body back. He was in heat, in the worst way possible. He couldn't tell if he loved her sex or hated it. Bonney, however, was in complete bliss. She enjoyed every single moment with him.

She then finished the chocolate, leaving nothing but drool on his testicles. She looked up at him, only to see that he was really really angry. Bonney backed away on all fours. She frowned a bit.

"We can't go any further than this. We just can't... I'm out of breathe... I'm done... You kidnapped me and forced me to bang you. As soon as Alvida gets here, you and your tiny crew are dead." Buggy said out of breath.

"Who says that you didn't enjoy it?" Bonney completely ignored his threat.

"Screw you." Buggy put on his clothes.

He went back upstairs, only to see that the rest of her crew looked terrified by the sexual noises.

"Umm.. you guys okay? You look tense." Buggy asked them.

" Yeah. We're fine...It's just that no one's been insane enough to get involved with her." Adrian said, hugging himself.

"Except for Blackbeard, but she kicked him and rejected that offer right away." Andy added.

"Yeah. But he's crazy himself. Munching all those pies and mumbling nonsense about being king of the Pirates." Adrian rubbed his big belly, chuckling.

"BOYS! STOP TALKING ABOUT ME! WE ARE FAMILY, NOT GOSSIPERS!" Bonney ran out from underneath the trap door. She was in different clothes this time: a white bikini top, white/green snow hat, and a pink and green skirt with dark green sandals.

"Sorry, Bonney Sama!" The 4 boys saluted her.

"Speaking of family, Bonney... You never introduced me to your crew. I need to know my kidnapper if I'm gonna be stuck here, ya ha ha ha! Who are these men with showy clothing?" Buggy asked.

"The red head is Jewelry Alex, me cousin once removed. That there chef/doctor is Jewelry Adrian, me biological cousin. And the two tall lads are Jewelry Andy and Jewelry Andrew, me younger twin brothers." She knelt next to the two white boys and put her arms around them. They smiled at her, one with cavities in his teeth, and the other with broken teeth.

"Soon you'll be a Jewelry, too. Just you wait, cutie I'll marry you." Bonney lifted the eye patch and winked at him, with a star coming out.

"DON'T MARRY HER!" The boys yelled in unison making the same angry shark faces.

"You boys don't have ta tell me twice. And wow... Your eye... It looks a lot better..." Buggy walked a bit closer to her, causing the woman's heart to melt.

'He's... He's actually approaching me...' Bonney's eye sparkled.

"No... It's not. It's literally stitched up." She put the eye patch back over it, blushing.

"Besides, real pirates wear eyepatches."

"It's still healing." Buggy said before lifting it, kissing her sewn up eyelid.

A stitched heart appeared in one eye and a regular heart appeared in the other as Bonney screamed her heart out:

"BUGGY SENPAI!" She then fainted.

The boys laughed and Buggy sighed. Adrian picked up his cousin and put her in a bed downstairs.

"There. That should keep her knocked out for hours." Buggy mumbled.

"Buggy..."

"Huh?"

"Our sis doesn't stay knocked out for hours. She stays knocked out for only HALF an hour. Besides, she was planning to go to Whole Cake Island to get herself all the sweets she wants. As the navigator, I gotta get her there. Not sure how we're gonna avoid running into your forces. Got any plans, "Buggy Senpai"? Hew hew hew hew hew!" Andy chuckled.

"SHUT YOUR MOUTH! Now here's the plan;

While Bonney is out like a light, I will be your temporary captain before Alvida kills your useless hide. Now, we are gonna drop your sister/cousin at Whole Cake Island. And she's out of my life for good. I can run my service again." Buggy explained.

"That's no way to talk to your future wife's crew, Buggy Senpai." Huh huh huh huh huh huh!" Andrew laughed. His brother joined with his signature "Hew hew" laugh.

"Stop it you guys! I hate her! I'm tempted to throw her overboard but you guys might kill me!" Buggy's nose glowed again.

"Yo, Adrian! Look! It's Rudolph!" Andrew joked, pointing at Buggy.

"STFU! I WILL END YOU!" Buggy raised a knife at him with a floating hand.

"Stop it, Buggy. We heard you moan when our Captain banged you. You're not fooling us. You're not fooling any of us. You're into her." Andy said as he put his hands on the wooden wheel.

"Just because I moaned doesn't make it consent!" Buggy crossed his handless arms.

"Buggy, your cheeks are pink..pink is love." Said Andy. He turned the wheel and looked at his compass.

"How can she stand you guys?!" Buggy whaled.

"She grew up with a bunch of men, ya wack-a-do. Now let me see if I can make it to Whole Cake Island." Andy kept his eyes on the ocean.

Buggy face palmed and went downstairs. He closed the trap door behind him, still feeling angry and miserable.

He saw Adrian tending to his cousin's stabs and wounds from her fight with the Buggy Pirates.

"How is she?" Buggy politely asked. He floated over without his legs.

"Why do you care? You're not even her family. You're a pirate." Adrian said.

"...Do all of you follow her beliefs? "Only care for the ones you love"?" Buggy's black eyes darkened.

"Yes. Because she's right. Pirates ain't supposed to care about strangers."

"Well I'm a Warlord. Warlords don't follow the same rules. They lead. They make things happen. Unlike you, I give people weapons. I don't take em. Helping people is part of my job. So why not help her?" Buggy stroked her hair.

" ... You guys make a lovely couple." Adrian stroked his black scraggly beard.

"WILL EVERYONE STOP SHIPPING US?!" Buggy yelled.

"Well how else would I describe it? You clearly have feelings for the woman if you want to make sure she's safe. And the way you stroked her ha—"

Buggy put a hand on the pirate's mouth, silencing him. He made the scariest clown face you could imagine, causing the chubby man to go silent.

"Now listen here, punk. If you say I belong with her one more time, I will personally go Pennywise on your fat God damn €$$. GOT THAT?" Buggy whispered.

"Mmm-hmm."

"Good. Good... Glad we're on the same page here!" His expression turned back to a nice, kid friendly clown one.

He slowly took his right hand off his cute chubby face. He then went next to Bonney and took a good look at her. He sat in silence admiring her beauty before looking at a porthole. There was all sorts of small, colorful fish swimming out in the ocean. He wished devil fruit users could swim just so he could scuba dive and see it all. It felt like a curse to him to be stuck on land, but that's just the way life goes.

Adrian patched up the last of his cousin's wounds, staying silent in fear of Buggy.

"Do you have any make-up?" Buggy asked the man. Adrian silently nodded yes. He went onto Bonney's messy brown purse and got out a make-up kit. He gave it to Buggy.

"... Ick... I don't like using someone else's make-up...but it'll have ta do. Where's a mirror?" Buggy grumpily said, looking at the lipstick.

Adrian led him to the bathroom. He pointed at the silver and pink lined mirror inside it.

Buggy went up to it and closed the door. He put a crossbones pattern on his forehead with two blue stripes over his eyes and black eye shadow. He then put on his signature red lipstick and rubbed some lipstick on his nose, too.

'Good good... Oh who am I kidding?! I'm still handsome to her make-up or not! Speaking of handsome, "No one's been insane enough to get involved with her"? ! What does Adrian mean by that?!'

Buggy walked over to the chef/doctor, who was putting away leftover food.

"Hey, Adrian. What do you mean by "No one's been insane enough to get involved with her"?"

"Oh. My cousin tried and failed to date other men. They thought she was beautiful but never got in bed with her after they activated the insane bitch switch. She was a virgin before this and ended up being distracted by food. Heh heh! Least to say, you were the first one she fed!" Adrian laughed.

"...So she tried to date other men before me?! All this time?! If that's the case, then she must be terrifying at more than just the table!" Buggy gulped.

"You'd be surprised how insane a female pirate can get, boy." Adrian said before eating some chicken.

" The female pirate I know ain't insane!"

Buggy then ran upstairs.

"Guys! You need to help me understand her weaknesses, and I mean pronto." Buggy said.

"Sure thing. I don't want my cos' datin' a clown, anyway." Alex chuckled.

"Why would we help you? Alvida and her crew is gonna kill us anyway!" Andy scolded.

"Well maybe... Maybe I could convince her NOT to kill you for my kidnapping! How does that sound?!" Buggy asked.

"... Stupid. You ain't convincin' me, bucko." Andy mumbled, turning the wooden wheel.

"I'm used to ordering millions of servants every day! Come on, boys! Trust me on this one! I swear, I want your crazy sister off my neck!" Buggy put a hand in the air to let them know he was telling the truth.

The white men looked at each other, then back at Buggy. Buggy had the most adorable but silly smile on his face.

"...fine." The four simultaneously said. They shook his hand in agreement, causing his fingers to break.

"Once we get there... Point me out to an actual doctor..." Buggy whimpered.

**_End of chapter three_**


	4. Alvida vs Bonney

Bonney woke up, only to hear a bunch of people screaming. She got out of bed and wiped her eye. She looked out the porthole and saw a pod of fish swimming very fast. Cannon balls with Alvida's Jolly roger on it fell through the water.

"Oh no... I think I slept for too long..." Bonney whispered. She ran upstairs, only to nearly get shot by bullets. Buggy pushed her out of the way with a disembodied hand.

'He... he protected me!' Bonney thought. The background turned pink with red roses as her eyes sparkled.

It turned normal once Andy caught her.  
"Sis! Alvida wants your hide! Stay downstairs!" Andy yelled over all the noise.  
"Why is she attacking Buggy?!" The pink haired pirate asked.

"Buggy doesn't want you dead, surprisingly! Alvida thinks otherwise! Please! Stay in the lower deck!" He said while shooting three men.

"*Gasps* HE DOESN'T WANT ME DEAD! AAHHHHHHHHH!"

"Curb your tongue, Bonney-Sama!" Andrew said while sword fighting with Galdino.

Alvida and Buggy kept blasting cannon balls at each other. Alvida then slid off her ship, jumped on three cannon balls and landed in front of Buggy. She swung her iron club at the clown only to be electrocuted by a giant hand shocker.  
"Alvida, we don't have to fight, come on! She's not worth your time!" Buggy shouted over all the noise.

"Why not?! She kidnapped you!" Alvida growled, slowly getting up.  
"Because I... I... AHHHHH!" Before Buggy could say another word, Bonney pushed him out of the way.  
"NOBODY HURTS MY BUGGY SAMA!" She kicked the black haired lady in the stomach. Alvida coughed up spit and her eyes bulged o dut. She then took another swing at Bonney. Bonney turned six, easily ducking under the club. She kicked Alvida in the crotch, causing her to drop her weapon.

Buggy looked up and blushed.

"We tried to stop her, Buggy!" Adrian said.  
"She just wouldn't back down!" Andy cried.

"...Cat fight." Buggy pervertedly smirked.

"SHUT UP!" The boys said to him.

Alvida and Bonney had a fist fight. Bonney turned her normal age, since was quite better with her legs than her fists. Alvida rammed her fist into her legs, catching her off guard.

She got punched in the face several times, causing her makeup to get smudged. Boney's high heels broke and she fell down. Alvida put a foot on her chest and got out a Muggy ball; one of Buggy's special weapons.

"#$%* you, Alvida. I don't know why he made an alliance with you." Bonney panted, tears running down her pale cheek.

"We were close friends since Ah met him."  
"A pirate shouldn't have friends."  
"Then how do you explain yer family, pink princess?" She dug her heel deeper, causing Bonney to grunt in pain.

"They're more than just friends. They're everything to me." Bonney's eyepatch fell off, revealing that she was crying blood through the stiches.

"STOP! DON'T BLOW HER UP, AL!" Buggy's upper body flew at the cowgirl. He punched Alvida in the face, causing Bonney's eye to sparkle once more as the rose background appeared.

"Don't you dare! Think of all the money we could make off of her!' He tossed the Muggy ball into the water, causing big rings to appear from the explosion.

The Bonney Pirates covered their eyes from the bright light.

Alvida also covered her eyes.

Once the light faded, Buggy held Bonney. Her face steamed like crazy as hearts appeared behind her. "You not killing her, Alvida?" Buggy asked seriously.

"No... Those fighting skills are beyond interesting." Alvida smirked.

"Fine. Your little girlfriend could join us."

"SHE'S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!" Buggy angrily yelled.

"So...wut do we call it now? The Buggy Alvida Bonnie alliance?" Alvida asked as she put a finger on her lips.

"That's a mouthful. How about the BABA?" Bonney smiled, getting back up.

"Sounds nice!" Andy said.

"Sounds stupid." Andrew rolled his eyes.

"I'm down with it. As long as they got food." Adrian smirked.

"They do! I'm just wondering what wide variety of weapons we'll get!" Alexander jumped up and down.

"Relax, boys! I'm sure you'll get all the food you weapons you want for only 8.99! That's right I'm still greedy! Ya ha ha ha!" Buggy confidently said. He then got a red tomato out of his pocket and bit it.

'Oh my gosh he does binge eat! I'm in heaven!' Bonney thought as she put her hands on her cheeks.

"What the heck is up with your face?" Buggy asked. "I only eat tomatoes when I'm bored."

"It's so cute!" Bonney held him close.

"Stop being so clingy... Christ I've seen crabs less clingy than you." Alvida said crossing her arms.

Bonney slowly turned her head and gave her a glare.

Buggy finished his tomato and wiped his mouth... On her hair.

Bonney gasped then smiled so wide the Joker would be jealous.

"Yes... Get your mess on me!" She whispered.

"Buggy that was rude!" Alvida growled.

"He shouldn't be sorry!" Bonney gushed.

"Oh my gosh you are such a moron!"

"What did you call me, bitch?!"

"A moron."

"Well I'm not that dumb in the head, ya cowboy hooker!"

"The hell did you just say?"

"Cowboy. Hooker."

The two had a physical fight once more and Buggy watched their boobs bounce.

"Cat fight." He pervertedly smirked once more, sticking his tongue out.

Galdino and the twin brothers slapped Buggy in the back of the head for being such a pervert.

Three cartoonishly large red bumps appeared on his head and he frowned.

Bonney lifted her leg and kicked Alvida square in the face. Alvida fell back in pain. She kicked her over and over again until she coughed up blood! Alvida then held Bonney's leg and swung her into a wooden pillar.

The pink haired Supernova felt more pain than Captain Alvida, but she didn't get up. She kept desperately punching and kicking the cowgirl pirate. The lady with curly black hair scratched her long red nails against Bonney's legs, causing her to cry out in pain. Bonney kicked Alvida square in the face and sent her flying onto the pink rim of the quarter deck. She took a breathe, then pushed herself off of it, fist in front of her and ready to strike Bonney.

Bonney turned 87 once more. Alvida stopped, but her devil fruit, the Slip slip fruit, made her too slippery and she ended up crashing into Bonney. The boys went over to the two and looked down at them. The girls had huge black anime swirls in their eyes, indicating they were dizzy.

"That was amazing... You alright, sis?" Andy asked.

"Yes." Bonney panted as she turned back to her regular age. The two got off of each other.

"Ah'm surprised you didn't want to give up or faint despite bein' more beat up den me. Ah'm also very impressed. Ah usually don't compliment people, but your will to not give up and fight is strong. And dat kinda behavior is exactly what we need in the Alvida Buggy alliance." Alvida explained, her frown turning into a genuine smile. Her dark green eyes beamed.

"Why... Thank you! I've never gotten a compliment from a lady! I'm so used to being praised by men. But I guess, that's what happens when you're raised by nothing but men all your life.

The boys only patched Bonney up while Alvida's crew patched Alvida up.

"Man... This girl sure is rowdier than a bag full of badgers. Ah dunno how you could even handle datin' her, Buggy." Alvida said as Galdino wrapped bandages around her arm.

"Oh, for Neptune's sake, she's NOT my girlfriend! Quit harping on that, will you?!" Buggy raged.

"Sure thing, red nose." Alvida said, causing him to get vexed out.

He tried to beat her up, but the Superhuman Domingos and Tightrope Walking Funan Brothers held his body parts back.

"Easy, Buggy Sama! She's already hurt enough as it is!" The black Domingo said.

"NOBODY CALLS ME RED NOSE!"

"How ELSE would she describe it, captain?!" Galdino said, holding the arms.

"I think he has a very pretty nose. Now come on, guys! Let's fix the damage done to this ship!" Bonney said.

Later that same day...Buggy put a mop inside of a bucket and wiped the sweat off his forehead. He then rubbed the soapy mop on the poop deck, trying his best to clean off all the gun powder.

"You guys really done a number on me ship..." Bonney mumbled. She dusted off the ship's shrouds.

"Well you were the one who kidnapped Buggy. If you didn't kidnap Buggy, ma pirates wouldn't attack you in the first place!" Alvida whined.

"Oh my gosh! Can you be any more annoying?! That stupid accent is giving me a headache! Plus you told them to aim for my ship!" They got in each other's faces.

"Easy girls! Easy! If you don't get along this alliance won't go too well!" Galdino said as he pushed them apart.

"Right right... No fighting. Sure." Bonney sighed.

"Yeah." Alvida rolled her eyes. The two scrubbed the the poop deck along with the other pirates. It was just pure silence. They could only hear the sound of the big, blue ocean as the waves passed by.

"Ya know... Cleaning a ship is pretty boring without music. You wouldn't happen to have a band, would you?" Bonney asked Alvida.

"Nope. Only a bunch of cowboys. But Buggy's crew has a band. They're just too tired to play at the moment." Alvida said.

The two didn't look irritated by each other for once.

"You're right. Heck, I can't even sing right now." Buggy sighed.

"I'm all out of breath just from yelling at you, Alvida.

"Any of you got a radio?" Bonney asked.

"Nope." Buggy and Alvida both said.

"Well then... This is gonna feel longer than it really is. I sure hope Whole Cake Island has some music." Bonney said.

Andy scrubbed the pink rims of the ship as he looked at the clowns, circus performers and acrobats in Buggy's crew. He found it strange yet fascinating that such a pirate crew would exist. But at the same time, he wondered how this was all going to work out. His relatives thought the exact same thing.

"Hey buggy..."

"Yeah?"

"How'd you get your crew?"

"Oh... It's a long story. I had to convince a bunch of circus performers I had a lot of money. I told them that they could have it all if they become pirates. Then I beat up Luffy, but that didn't go so well. Once I was blasted off by him I met Alvida. I found out she hated Luffy as much as I do, so we decided to join forces. We tracked him to Loguetown and nearly succeeded in beheading him, but Luffy miraculously escaped and out of nowhere we were taken down by Smoker and the Marines! Speaking of Marines... I think we're headed into that territory..." Buggy explained.

Andy turned and saw a circular-shaped island with a rocky coastline featuring several tall rock pillars. Within it is a giant circular plateau that has a forest growing on top of it, and there is a large basin in the middle of the plateau which contains a Marine base. There is a small inlet on one side of the island that leads to a gate to an opening through the plateau into the base.

"Holly crap! What kinda island is that? It looks like bad news!" Andrew shouted in shock.

"... Fron Island." Alvida said seriously as she squinted her eyes.

**_End of chapter 4_**


	5. Female Pedophile?

Meanwhile… back in the land of Wano…Nami, Luffy, Robin, Franky, Sanji and Ussop were looking for Zoro.

"How the heck did Zoro kill a group of samurai?!" Ussop asked Nami.

"No, the bigger question is: why?" Nami replied before drinking tea.

"AH HA HA HA! This news article is way funnier!" Luffy laughed. Nami slapped him in the back of the head.

"For Neptune's sake, Luffy! Stop reading about Buggy!" She yelled making a stupid face. Luffy cried in a loud voice, causing Ussop to cover his tan ears.

"Relax, Nami. He just finds the papers funny! He's still worried about Zoro! Yo ho ho!" Brook laughed. He drank tea and it went right through his skeletal lower jaw.

"SHUT UP, YOU'RE NOT IN THIS CONVERSATION!"

"Take a chill pill, Nami."

"Says the excited rubber boy!"

"Uggghh..." Ussop banged his head on a table. Luffy laughed and pat his back.

Robin silently watched them argue as she held a "child" named Momonosuke in her arms. She sweat once he grabbed her breasts. She had flashbacks of her giving him a bath and bathing with him.

'Stop it, Robin, Stop it! But I can't... Not when he's holding my breasts this tight, oh... It feels so good but... So wrong! Is it...? No it can't be—'

"Robin Kun!" Franky said as he shook her shoulder.

"Huh?" Robin and Momo looked up at him.

"Are you okay?" Franky kindly asked.

"She's fine. She's probably thinking about Zoro!" Momonosuke grinned.

'Yeah... Zoro... Poor man...' Robin thought.

"Why don't you discuss with us how we can find Zoro? You don't have to stand in the dark!" Franky offered his giant, mechanical, red hand.

"... Okay." Robin put the strange child down and followed Franky to the other straw hats.

Momonosuke crossed his arms and made a grumpy face. He didn't care one bit about Zoro, only his perverted goals. Because little did they know his actual age.

He followed the two in anger.

"Do you think he's in prison? I mean it's kinda obvious." Luffy said as Sanji gave him some deer meat to eat. He then stuffed his face.

"Naaaah this place has weak prisons compared to Impel Down!" Franky said.

"Yeah... Sure..." Robin fanned herself softly. Momonosuke cuddled her legs. She hid him under her kimono and tiptoed to the back. Using her Devil Fruit abilities, Robin sprouted multiple arms and legs on Sanji's Robin sculpture to pretend she's there.

"Maybe we should disguise as samurai, sneak in, and grab him!" Ussop said confidently.

"Man... You love to lie!" Nami crossed her arms.

"I always wanted to be a samurai! Sounds cool!" Luffy pumped his fist in the air.

"I'll try not to kick my legs too much. What about you, Robin?... Robin?... OH COME ON! THAT'S JUST MY STATUE!" Sanji said as he shook her arms.

Robin's arms dissapeared. She walked back into the room, her face looking red through her make-up. Momonosuke looked red also.

"... I wanna know what you did with Robin Chan..." Sanji crossed his arms as he glared at Momonosuke.

"Nothing special, Blondie. We just played hide and seek." Momonosuke sneakily grinned.

"Yeah. It was lots of fun. I felt like a ch-child again." Robin stuttered, trying not to look like she was lying.

'It was fun, alright... Man, it felt so good when he rubbed my legs...' Robin thought. She only had much more dirty thoughts after that. Her body shifted.

"Thinking about me, Robin Chan?" Sanji asked with big pink hearts in his eyes.

"Yes. You." Robin lied.

"Well we don't have time to play hide and seek and think about Sanji! Come on! We need some samurai disguises!" Luffy ordered with a big smile on his face.

The Straw Hat pirates walked out of the dojo and went to the prison gate. They saw a bunch of knocked out samurai, so they stripped them and put on their kimonos as disguises. The disguise was too big for Momonosuke, so they went to Kin'emon's house. Kin'emon is a samurai from Wano Country. He posed as Momonosuke's father during the journey to Zou (see the anime or manga for more details).

His devil fruit, the Fuku Fuku no Mi, allows him to transform objects placed on a person's heads into various kinds of clothing, which disappear once removed.

"Oh my gosh! I'm under arrest! Please don't arrest me! I'm not longer a thug!" Kin'emon went on his knees, not knowing they were the Straw Hats.

"Woah woah, Kin'emon! It's okay! It's the straw hats! They're just in disguises!" Momo said.

"Yeah! We came here so you could make Momonosuke a disguise." Ussop added.

"Why are you disguised as samurai? Didn't I tell you guys to be villagers and try not to cause any trouble?!" Kin'emon said as he pointed a thick, pale finger at them.

"Well... Ya see... Zoro wasn't too good at that. He got arrested for slashing someone and beating some samurai. We wanna sneak in, and break him out!" Luffy explained.

"...ugh fine... I'll do what I must." Kin'emon said, pressing his fingers above his nose in frustration. He put an apple on Momonosuke's head and turned it into a samurai disguise with stilts to make the kid look taller.

"There we go." Kin'emon nodded.

"Wooooahh! Awesome!" Momonosuke smiled.

He then conjured up disguises for the straw hats and himself. They snuck into the prison tower hoping that they wouldn't get caught.

Later on, the newly allied BABA crew made it to Whole Cake island. Bonney devoured all sorts of objects made of candy. Her crew members tried to stop her from eating the whole town as Buggy and Alvida looked around the place.

"Hmmm... This place is home to a yonko, huh? If we sold Big mom's endless supply of candy, we could make big money!" Buggy had Berri signs in his eyes.

"It won't be that easy, Buggy. Big Mom is the only yonko who has maneh children. Some of those children about as angry if not slightly powerful as her. It takes a lot ta earn the fat woman's trust." Alvida said honestly.

"Well if Luffy nearly beat her, then so can I!" Buggy used a disembodied hand to point at himself.

"No no... Ah really don't wanna loose a long time friend!" Alvida shook Buggy.

"Then what should we do?!" Buggy goofily yelled.

"Bonney looks a lot like Big Mom. And she has about as big of an appetite. Pink haired women who eat a lot, why don't we manipulate her via Jewelery Bonney? I mean Bonney has a huge crush on you after all..." Galdino hinted.

The three took a good look at Bonney who was chomping away at a cookie stop sign. He brothers and cousins talked to the women in the island.

"Hmmm... You might be ugly, but you have a brain." Alvida insulted and complimented the man at the same time, causing him to be a bit confused.

"I thought we were gonna drop off Bonney and ditch her crew here!" Buggy angrily said.

"You'd make great bait though, Captain. Try fake flirting with her." Galdino smirked.

"Like Ah said... we made an alliance with the Bonney pirates."

"Ugh I just want her gone!" Buggy's nose steamed.

"No flirting, no extra berris from Big Mom's famous treats." Alvida smirked.

"Fine! Christ you guys are so manipulative!

Buggy combed his hair back and put his hands in his pocket. He did a crab walk towards Bobney's crew. He wiped off his make-up, knowing how much she loved him without it.

Andy, Andrew and Adrian all laughed at him.

"Oh shut up, guys! He's perfect~" Bonney smirked. "What do you want?"

Buggy tried not to frown in anger at Bonney's relatives.

"I would like... To take you on... A date... But we have to invite big mom so she can throw us an awesome p-party .. we can have all the sweets we want!" Buggy said shakily.

"AHHH I'd love to! Oh my gosh yes Buggy-sama!" She ran up to him then hugged him so hard his arms popped off.

Andy and Adrian picked them up and gave them to the two. Bonney backed away, still looking excited, and let Buggy his arms back on.

"Okay, so where's Big Mom's base exactly?" Andrew asked.

"We'd have to ask one of her many sons and daughters about that." Bonney explained.

"Greaaaat..." Buggy sighed.


End file.
